I’ve been reading a lot lately which makes me realize I need to write more. Not about anything really, i just do. I was walking on the beach today, along Carlsbad’s seawall. I had to laugh out loud at a man having an epic battle with a ground squirrel. The man was vehemently trying to pass the rodent,who was running along side him on the top of the wall, but everytime he got close the thing would skitter 2 feet in front of him. He literally looked completely exasperated by it. I tried to stifle my giggles as I passed, I really did, it’s really rather embarrassing when you’re walking alone and see or think of something funny and laugh to yourself. Alas, I laughed at him anyway and he looked quite offended actually, it’s a shame he couldn’t see how funny he looked. But I probably look rather insane going about smiling to myself and laughing at strangers.
Speaking of my sanity, I became quite paranoid that I was being watched on my way home. I saw a redhead in a red car who kept looking up towards me. After she saw me she began jotting something down. I know from watching true crime tv that to get the heat off you, you let them know you’re on to them. So naturally I made I contact with her, glanced toward her notebook and nodded. Walked on. About a mile down the road I came upon a couple more curious observers. These 2 were sitting in the front of a pickup truck, no shit, peering at me over newspapers! Both of them! People are nuts I tell ya. I also acknowledged their presence and strutted on my way.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s really no reason the heat would be on me in the first place. However there is always the off chance they’ve discovered my genius and are afraid I’m going to use it for evil. I probably should…I certainly don’t use it for good. I wish I did. There’s a lot of things I’d love to do if I didn’t work 50 hrs a week just supporting myself. I dream of being an archaeologist, but this country’s college system is seriously screwed up. It’d take me 15 years to get a degree with so little time on my hands. I’ll never understand why I can’t just take the classed I NEED for the field I want to be in. I wish someone would give me a shot. I’d read any text they wanted for a job excavating in south America. Picture me, with a machete, in the middle of the Amazon. Amazing. It’s a strange dream for a twenty-five year old girl to have, but I know I’ll lose my mind completely if I have to live the rest of my life doing the same old same until I die. To be honest, I live my life in a state of anxiety. I’m terrified because I’m stuck in this loop of nonstop work and my dreams just aren’t able to be made reality at this point in my life. I’m saving up cash to get my passport and join up with a volunteer dig I read about. I just still can’t figure out how I could ever abandon my current life without a safety net. Nobody can afford to take care of me if I can’t find work when I return. As you get older that “marry rich” idea seems more and more tempting.
I joke. Kinda.