What Happens Next?

“…The only reason for life or a story is “What Happened Next?” -Jack Kerouac

So, what does happen next? I find myself, 25 years old and without a clue as to where my life is headed.

I know where I’d like it to go but I have no idea how to get there. I have grand dreams of being an archaeologist. Ever since I was a child I was a huge history enthusiast. My interests lie mainly in South America, a land I believe holds some of the world’s most ancient and interesting mysteries. The Amazon river and rainforest, I think, is home of the most unique, dare I say unevolved species in the world. A real-life Eden, untouched by modern man.

So why don’t I do it? I was a straight-A, 4.0, honors everything since preschool(with the exception of napping, I could never fall asleep on command, I’ve had terrible insomnia as long as I can remember.) As I’ve explained in my previous post I had to make a mad-dash out of my hometown to save my sanity. I put myself in a hard spot early on, leaving my parent’s house when I was just 17 years old and still in highschool. Being on your own as a teenager is REALLY fun, I’m not gonna lie, but I may have subsequently screwed up the rest of my life. I’ve been living paycheck to paycheck ever since…well, ever since I got paychecks. Because of this, just to get ahead in life, I find myself working 50+ hours a week. I have no time to grocery shop, shower, or do laundry; when am I supposed to find the time to go to college?!

Even if I had the time I do have issues with the college system itself. I’m sure it works great for kids whose parent’s are willing to support them while they work full time on an education. Those who don’t have any other obligations but to write their term papers and get drunk at the local bar every night. But for me, with the schedule I maintain I’d be able to pull off MAYBE one class a semester. And it for the first few years these wouldn’t even be classes that were remotely relevant to my field of study. And the ones that are you literally have to FIGHT to get into. It’s not fair. I know I’m smarter than 90% of the people in college, no kidding, it’s not that I can’t do it, I just don’t have the means or the time to. I’m willing to read any text, go through any sort of training, I’m even saving my pennies for a volunteer archaeology project in Peru where I can at least get my feet wet in the field and hopefully make some connections. I don’t need to win Nobel Peace Prizes and change the history of the world, but I want to DISCOVER. I want to disappear to foreign countries for months at a time and dig in the dirt and unplug from American society. I want to be a part of something great.

I have a fortune I carry with me:

“You will become successful through innovation and determination”.

Wise cookie. I think It could not be more true. I know what I want, and I know the conventional method to acheive my dream isn’t going to work out unless my life changes in drastic ways that are beyond my realm of reality. I KNOW I can make it happen, it just has to happen my way or not at all.

So, what happens next? I don’t know. I do know that I can’t do the 9-5 thing forever(or in my case 7-7) I’d lose my mind. The thought of going to work and doing the same job everyday is so BLEAK. I’d rather be dead than live a life without adventure and discovery.

I welcome any advice from anyone in the field who thinks they can help me out with the next step.


Squirrels and Spies

I’ve been reading a lot lately which makes me realize I need to write more. Not about anything really, i just do. I was walking on the beach today, along Carlsbad’s seawall. I had to laugh out loud at a man having an epic battle with a ground squirrel. The man was vehemently trying to pass the rodent,who was running along side him on the top of the wall, but everytime he got close the thing would skitter 2 feet in front of him. He literally looked completely exasperated by it. I tried to stifle my giggles as I passed, I really did, it’s really rather embarrassing when you’re walking alone and see or think of something funny and laugh to yourself. Alas, I laughed at him anyway and he looked quite offended actually, it’s a shame he couldn’t see how funny he looked. But I probably look rather insane going about smiling to myself and laughing at strangers.

Speaking of my sanity, I became quite paranoid that I was being watched on my way home. I saw a redhead in a red car who kept looking up towards me. After she saw me she began jotting something down. I know from watching true crime tv that to get the heat off you, you let them know you’re on to them. So naturally I made I contact with her, glanced toward her notebook and nodded. Walked on. About a mile down the road I came upon a couple more curious observers. These 2 were sitting in the front of a pickup truck, no shit, peering at me over newspapers! Both of them! People are nuts I tell ya. I also acknowledged their presence and strutted on my way.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s really no reason the heat would be on me in the first place. However there is always the off chance they’ve discovered my genius and are afraid I’m going to use it for evil. I probably should…I certainly don’t use it for good. I wish I did. There’s a lot of things I’d love to do if I didn’t work 50 hrs a week just supporting myself. I dream of being an archaeologist, but this country’s college system is seriously screwed up. It’d take me 15 years to get a degree with so little time on my hands. I’ll never understand why I can’t just take the classed I NEED for the field I want to be in. I wish someone would give me a shot. I’d read any text they wanted for a job excavating in south America. Picture me, with a machete, in the middle of the Amazon. Amazing. It’s a strange dream for a twenty-five year old girl to have, but I know I’ll lose my mind completely if I have to live the rest of my life doing the same old same until I die. To be honest, I live my life in a state of anxiety. I’m terrified because I’m stuck in this loop of nonstop work and my dreams just aren’t able to be made reality at this point in my life. I’m saving up cash to get my passport and join up with a volunteer dig I read about. I just still can’t figure out how I could ever abandon my current life without a safety net. Nobody can afford to take care of me if I can’t find work when I return. As you get older that “marry rich” idea seems more and more tempting.

I joke. Kinda.